To tell or not to tell?

I’m struggling these days with working out whether, and how, to tell people about Charlotte’s vision. I don’t mean close family and friends, they know and they have been holding our hands through the whole journey. It’s more the people, say, on Facebook or acquaintences that I know in the playground. Martin’s benchmark for telling is if the person is close enough that I would phone them, tell, if not, I shouldn't.

I go through phases of telling and not telling. Sometimes, I feel like telling everyone (so all the Mum’s at Emily’s school know because I saw them all that week), sometimes I keep it very private. I don’t want to be: “this is our baby, Charlotte, she’s blind.” That’s not fair to her, at the same time, it is important information about her and it helps me to share in order to get the support that I need.

But by sharing, I don’t want to become "the mother of the disabled child" where others feel that they can’t talk about their stuff because they think, “Hey – she has it worse than me.” I want to share details about our kids lives and our stresses and struggles with them.

Another example of my dilemma: some friends of mine live on other continents and we keep up only on facebook or email, and only intermittently, at that. Do I write them a special note? Do I post a status update (no way!)? Do I reconnect on a more general level so that I can bring it up in the future?

One particular friend (ex-friend?) lives a long way away and I told her on email when we first heard. I got complete radio silence. Then she sent me a birthday card. I wondered if she didn’t get the email so I sent her a message via Skype to thank her for the card (I didn’t mention Charlotte), she didn’t acknowledge that message either so now should I message her via Facebook? I feel like a bit of a stalker! It’s so hard to know what to do. At the moment, I'm not doing anything but that isn't exactly good for our friendship or how I feel about her.

This weekend, I posted on a website forum that I used to frequent when I was first pregnant and grappling with a new baby. I got a lot of wonderful support from doing so. Number one was from a woman on the site, with her own child, who is struggling with a degenerative retinal disease. She shared her blog with me and I was so uplifted by what a positive, go-getter person she is. We have corresponded a bit since and I am looking forward to hearing more from her.