Uh oh!

We've been having such a good time these holidays, the two little girls and I. They are so delightful and (mostly) so easy to be with that I am wondering why I am not spending all my time with them over the summer. There's not even enough time for me to do the things that I want to do with them over these few short weeks.

As they get older and both go on to school, I am thinking I might ask work if I can take the summers off without pay. I am sure they would agree, we are so quiet that I am getting pretty bored. But little kids are so cute and I want to be with them now! I might not like them when they are older and they definately won't want to be with me so why can't I do that now?

Maybe it is time to re-think work? I could join every parents' activity at school to secure Charlotte the best chance of getting in to Emily's phenomenal school. (Just wait, tomorrow morning they will be little horrors and I will long to get out the door on Monday!)

Why do I work?

Good question. How about this one: Why are our children the most precious things in the world to us; the things we love more than everything and yet, sometimes (often even) we can't wait to get away from them and do something else? And then we miss them terribly.

I like to work because I like:
-talking to grown ups about things that have nothing to do with children (even if we don't always talk about very grown up things)
-reading whatever I want on the tube for 20 minutes, twice a day, 3 times per week
-having an excuse to wear makeup
-having a place to wear high heels
-carrying a handbag that has only my things in it
-having a reason to wear clothes that would pick up lint if I sat on the carpet
-having a to-do list that does not include "unloading the dishwasher"
-completing at least some of the items on said to-do list
-making money
-feeling productive
-expanding my horizons
-increasing my knowledge
-interacting with people of different ages and in different stages of life
-disagreeing with people who can properly express why they want something different from me (sometimes)
-having some quiet in my day
-sitting down for 8 hours a day
-appreciating the fact that a bad day at work or a bad day at home is fleeting because tomorrow I will be in a different environment
-knowing that I could support my family if I had to

Tears of joy

I have been away from home again - the second time in two weeks. This time I went to Dubai for work. I kept the trip as short as possible but I was still away for two nights.

When I got back this morning, Charlotte recognised my voice and knew I was back. She bottom-shuffled over to me and when I picked her up, she was so happy! I just held her and cried! It's lovely to be so adored, especially by someone that I adore so much.

Warm welcome!

I love getting home from work and being greeted by Charlotte when I walk in the door! She is always so excited to see me. She crawls over as fast as she can with a big smile on her face. She can find me with no problems and rushes over to be picked up for a kiss and a cuddle. Yesterday, I said "ahhh" as I nuzzled cheek to cheek with her and she said "ahhh" back to me and patted me on the back! Ahhh...

I never got that kind of affection from Emily, still don't. She used to cry when the nanny left for the day and she still says, "I don't want Mummy, I want [insert nanny or babysitter's name]!" I know it's because they do fun stuff with her that I don't do: painting, play-doh, floor puzzles. At least I can go to work completely guilt free!

Day off!

Work was somewhat overwhelming but I got through it and I realise I don't have to get everything done on my first day, or first week, back.

One of the reasons I love working is that it makes me appreciate my time at home so much more. I loved being at home with the kids today, I don't think I even shouted all that much. (Certainly less than I have been over the summer holidays.)

What did I wear in the end? A pink top with ribbon trim neckline, grey wool pants and black patent heels.

Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to work I go!

Tomorrow is my first day back at work after 13 months of maternity leave.

I have no idea what to wear. I don't think my daily uniform of jeans, ballet flats and a cardigan will work at the office, a suit feels like I am trying too hard (and none of them fit properly anyway) and black trousers with a white shirt just screams: "I didn't know what to wear." But I'm ok for shoes and bags!

Other (minor) complications: we're still breastfeeding and I'll be dropping her last daytime feed tomorrow, I am going to miss her terribly, she is going to miss me more, Emily is old enough to know what is going on and might decide that she doesn't like it.

Despite the "first day of school" jitters, I am looking forward to going. Shallow joking aside (drinking a coffee while it's still hot, not hearing "Mummy! Mummy!" every 30 seconds, going the toilet with the door closed), my reasons for working are many and varied and I am delighted to still be part of the workforce.

We'll see how it goes...

New nanny

Charlotte and Emily have a new nanny as of today. I am heading back to work in a couple of weeks. The nanny was really good about spending time with Charlotte in a dimly lit room and really attentive to things like sunglasses when we went out. I just keep thinking how much I am going to miss them! At least it is only 3 days per week.

I also ordered a pair of NoIR dark red sunglasses today. I found the UK stockist: www.optimalowvision.co.uk I'll post back when they arrive.

Childcare: to tell or not to tell?

My dilemma today is in the placement of an advertisement for a new nanny. I am going back to work in September, 3 days per week, and I am advertising next week for a nanny.

In drafting the ad, I am thinking about who I want to care for Charlotte. On top of all the usual concerns over finding someone caring and competent to look after my children when I am not with them, I have this extra layer of concerns of what Charlotte may need. Or may not. She is only a baby and not mobile and I don't really have a very good sense yet of how "special need-y" she may turn out to be.

My instinct is to treat this as a normal recruitment process and talk to the person about the extra care she needs at the interview stage. Sort of as a "By the way, she needs sunglasses on when she goes outside". What about the curtains drawn part? Am I recruiting someone for a job where I am requiring them to spend most of their day in the dark? I don't like doing it and I am Charlotte's mother, how can I ask someone else to? And how can I not ask them to? Maybe it will be good for Charlotte to have a bit of a middle ground lighting level around the house. There will also be breaks for the nanny: when Charlotte has her nap, during the school run and when Charlotte is playing by herself in her room, those are all times that the nanny doesn't have to be in the dim lighting. During the winter, as long as she doesn't turn on any lights, she probably won't have to draw the curtains.

What about reciprocity? If I don't disclose Charlotte's medical concerns whereby they affect the nanny's working conditions, I should not be surprised if a candidate were to not disclose something about herself that may affect her ability to do the job too. Am I setting a bad precedent for Charlotte in her future life applying for jobs and such?

At the end of it, I'm not that concerned about finding someone good, but it does add an extra layer of complexity to everything.